Travelogue

Notes from a week mostly spent in the arms of the airline industry:

I don't care what all your metal detectors say. My shoes are a weapon of terror against good taste--nothing more.

Towns and bodies of water should be labeled to help me identify them from the air.

My cab driver in Louisville took a liking to me, I guess. He showed where he keeps his Smith & Wesson. Then he told me a baffling story about the time a fare left a prosthetic leg ("still warm!") in the backseat, and never tried to reclaim it, though the cab office held onto it for years.

Hey, movie fans, have you wondered what Val Kilmer was up to, or down to, lately? Well, this month he's the cover boy for the American Airlines in-flight magazine. Looking ruggedly enigmatic in his photo, Val submits to a hard-hitting interview... about things to see and do in Santa Fe, his adopted hometown.

A shoeshine GIRL!

Well, for my afternoon libation I explored the delights of Concourse G. For my evening meal I think I'll wander over to Concourse F and see what gustatory surprises await me there.

The cover story of Inc. magazine is titled "Are You Underpaying Yourself?" Gee, could this be pandering to the readers?

I was sitting on the plane waiting to take off from Minneapolis/St. Paul (connecting en route to Kansas City) when the flight attendant came over the speaker, in an exasperated voice, telling us we were delayed because John Kerry's campaign plane was taking off and all other flights had to wait. (The passengers murmured their discontent.) A few minutes later, the pilot came on, in a more patient and understanding voice, saying that actually the problem was due to Dick Cheney's campaign plane. (Laughter and LOUD sounds of discontent from the passengers.) The delay was pretty short and we were on our way, but the next day at my conference I spoke to a woman from St. Paul who was on the flight, and she said the candidate who was in town was in fact Kerry. Now I'm wondering if life is just really confusing in a swing state, and/or if the Northwest Airlines pilot was playing mind games with us.

The cover of the Northwest Airlines magazine was Lily Tomlin, who at least got to talk about herself.

Chewing gum is my friend.